How do you say you're sorry without sounding fake? Maybe I over-think these kinds of things, but every time I go to say I'm sorry for something that I'm genuinely sorry for, I have to pause and take a moment to think about how they'll react. Will they think I'm apologizing just to cover for my own actions? Do they think I feel obligated to make amends and therefore think that I'm being insincere? Will they believe me or even care that I'm apologizing? Should I even bother saying "I'm sorry" for what I've done when they can see how disheartened I am? All of this nervous second guessing leads to one of three reactions.
1.) The offended party asks "Aren't you even going to apologize?". This puts me in further trouble. Now I think if I apologize, they'll think it was only because they told me to and therefore isn't a sincere gesture. Or if I don't say I'm sorry, that I'm not actually sorry for what I've done.
2.) I say I'm sorry and am met with the response: "I don't believe you." What can you say to that? If I assert that I really am sorry, it will seem like a feeble cover for an un-genuine apology and I'll lose integrity in the person's opinion of me. If I offer to make it up to them, it will seem like I'm saying that I can buy my way back into their good graces and any gesture will then be insincere and only for the purposes of making them think more highly of me.
3.) "It's okay, don't worry about it." This is, ironically, the reaction that causes me to worry the most. Do they really mean for me not to worry? Are they being charitable and forgiving, or are they simply saving the incident in a mental file to use as ammo later. Sacrificing the immediate benefits of me feeling guilty now for the upper hand in any situation later.
Maybe I think too much about these kinds of things. Maybe people are just saying what they mean. Asking for me to apologize, not baiting me into a trap. Voicing their disbelief, not driving me to squirm and grope for a suitable answer. Brushing aside a small offense because we're friends, not keeping mental note for later use against me. Maybe, but there's a problem with this: all of these things have happened to me and all these situations and subsequent reactions have taken place. I can't help but worry, panic, and nervously think because I have been through it all and I know it's all possible.
But here's my point: I wish it didn't have to be that way. Why can't people just honestly and quickly apologize to each other when they feel sorry for something they've done? I suppose it's because of people who apologize when they don't feel bad and everyone knows they don't feel bad. It sews the seeds of mistrust in people's minds and it never really goes away. In fact, I've developed a tick of saying I'm sorry after everything I do because I'm afraid of offending anyone or having anyone think I don't care about them.
The truth is, I love everybody. I care about you, who ever you are. I like to know what people are going through and dealing with, and I love to do my best to help. The worst thing I can think of is for someone to think I don't care about them. When I apologize, I mean it, and so should everyone. Wouldn't that make life easier?
I'm sorry for being gone so long (see what I mean?) but I will try and get back on track with my daily rantrys. My deepest apologies, have a nice day
