Today, I accidentally injured a friend of mine while playing volleyball. We both went up at the net at the same time, and then it became a physics problem. She's very small (maybe 4'10", 80 lbs) while I am very large (5'11 250lbs). We collided and she hit the ground hard, dislocating her shoulder. Needless to say, I felt (and feel) terrible. Even after people say it's not my fault and that it was an accident, I feel like I am the cause of her pain. Truth be told, I am aren't I?
The fact is, I'm the reason she got hurt, accident or not and that really gets under my skin. I hate knowing that I still have the capacity to injure people. I say still because I used to on a regular basis. I wasn't a bully, I fought bullies, but I still don't like that part of me.
I think guilt, however painful or uncomfortable it might make us, is a necessary emotion because it keeps us in check and wards (most of) us from doing whatever we want whenever we want. My friend has already forgiven me, but I don't know how long it'll be until I forgive myself.
Be careful and have a nice day.
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